Letsallwrite’s Weblog


The Stepping Stone To Success
February 28, 2008, 2:06 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A sheet of paper may seem to be meaningless to you. But, what if this paper would be the key that unlocked infinite doors for you? What if this paper created opportunities that would allow you to become a millionaire, a teacher or anything else that you may have dreamt about as a child? Would you do anything possible to gain this wondrous paper? What would you do after you obtained it?

You are probably wondering what paper I could possibly be talking about that is so special. But, many of you all probably have this exact paper hung up on display or in a box collecting dust somewhere. You probably never thought that it was as special as it really is.

Okay, enough of the suspense, the paper that I am speaking of so dearly is a high school diploma. If you don’t understand why this is so important then let me explain. Sit down, grab a snack and let me give you a piece of my mind as to why a high school diploma is the fist step towards success . O yeah, all potty attempts should be taken now; I’d really not like any interruptions okay?

In America, we go to school for thirteen years…. For what? To gain a diploma that will allow us to make something positive of ourselves. A lot of teens these days pursue a college degree after they get their high school diploma. A high school diploma is very important for someone who wants to attend an institution of higher learning; it is the building block that allows high school students to climb towards success in college.

Many teens may not know the importance of obtaining a high school diploma. So, I will explain it for those who may be unaware. In today’s society an individual can’t get too far without a college degree. The only way in which to get a college degree is to obtain a high school diploma or either a GED. For those who do not receive one of these two certificates they are left with performing menial jobs.

If someone gains a high school diploma they have the chance to successfully finish college which will allow them to have a good job. The funds from this job will take care of their needs and wants and will also show their children the importance of getting and education. Because of this, their children will more than likely go on to pursue a high school diploma that will allow them to also have such successes.

Now, please do not get me wrong, I am not saying that once you get a high school diploma life will be easy and flawless. Obtaining a high school diploma is only the first step towards great success in America. You can not get to the top without traveling the path to success and laying down the proper framework.

Any goal that someone sets has steps that must be completed before someone can make it to the top. Gaining a high school diploma is the first brick laying down the foundation for a successful future in America. Obtaining such diploma is important because it opens other doors that can push you even further towards your dreams. America will be a much better place if every citizen completes the first step and then moves on to successfully complete college.

I encourage you to spread the word and help out a young person who may feel as if they just can’t do it anymore. Explain the importance of gaining an education and how it will greatly benefit them. Also, reach out to those who have finished high school and encourage them to go on further with their education and lastly, if you yourself are in college….. GRADUATE!!!! The best way to influence someone is by example.

   

           


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Visual-
Could use some graphics. Font/size is good. Paragraphs are good lengths. The last two are connected, I think that may have been an editing accident though. Good length blog.

Tone/Voice-
Seems articulate and respectful, and consistent.

Initial hook-
Interesting.

Organization-
Main point seems to be that people should get their highschool diploma.

Transitions-
Fine.

Word Choice-
No problem.

Grammar/Spelling-
“The only way in which to get a college degree is to obtain a high school diploma or either a GED,” maybe move the “either” to before “high school” or just get rid of it completely.
“The funds from this job will take care of their needs and wants and will also show their children the importance of getting and education,” second to last word “and” should be “an,” don’t you hate type-o’s?
“Gaining a high school diploma is the first brick laying down the foundation for a successful future in America,” a little unclear.
“Also, reach out to those who have finished high school and encourage them to go on further with their education and lastly, if you yourself are in college…,” Maybe add a comma after the word “education” to make it easier to read.

Overall it is fine.

Comment by Tierza-kun

At the beginning of your paper I was drawn in by the questions you asked and how well you wanted to engage your readers into what you were talking about. But, it was kind of repetitive and you kept talking about the special paper being the high school diploma but changing things to make it seem like a college degree. I would have liked if you gave examples of what you can have if you received your high school diploma and how receiving a high school diploma can be the stepping stone to obtaining a college degree. Also, I would have liked to see examples of not having a high school diploma. The ending is suppose to basically summarize what you just talked about but I felt it didn’t. I believe you are a good writer you just need to emphasis and express your topic a little better.

Comment by simonethomas42

Visual-Did not see any visual, however when writing i was able to portray a visual image i liked that.

Tone/Voice-
The tone of voice seems happy, i also like the word choice. It makes the situation and this paper seem wonderful.

Initial Hook- appealing and attentive

Organization- The paragraphs were well spaced out, although i feel that some of the paragraphs did not follow onto one another smoothly, but still very good.

Transition- The first three paragraphs were good, but just i got kind of switched off with transition between paragraphy 4 and 5

Word Choice- Intelligent

Grammar- The grammar is good, although i do some of the same things in my writing, maybe you can break down some of the sentences to get the point across quicker without writing so much, because the reader might get bored. But still very good!

Comment by sukhmanbal12

Your blog entry looks plain becuase it lacks pictures. you may want to add a visual but your object is universal and everyone should know what you’re talking about. plus it’s interesting so you would have pulled your audience to the next or so paragraphs and they would have found out it was a diploma. You maintained the font size/style and your paragraphs lengths were reader friendly. Your entire entry was long but i expected it becuase the assignment was 10 long paragraphs so i prepared myself for reading. Your tone was articulate and it also respected the reader. You were able to educate the reader without truly educating them. To explain it further: I understood the importance of a diploma and education more now than i did before but you did not intend to educate the reader. Your voice was articulate throughout. You were also able to bring all your paragraphs together. The first paragraph was the best I’ve read so far. It definately hooked me and I immediately understood what the blog was going to be about after reading a few sentences. After that I was interested to read further. I think no other paragraph on this blog would have fit better than the one already there. I also was able to decipher your main points and ideas. Your transitions were on point. I was able to jump from one paragraph to another without being confused. each paragraph followed very well together. Your word choice was well chosen also. Your blog was definately not carelessly written. I saw knowledge and understanding in this blog. You showed me that you were intelligent by the way you wrote the blog and the information. it was organized very well so it gave you more credibility in your blog. You were also able to keep grammatical errors and mispelled words out of your blog.

Comment by edithpatta




Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>