Filed under: Uncategorized
It has a unique design, almost like a bulging rectangle or an oval with corners. The two tone case is approximately 4 inches long by 3 inches wide and 1/3rd inch tall. From the off-white color bottom, a large circle indentation is visible as if the base for a turning apparatus. It has a peachy pink lid with a small shield emblem towards the bottom having “ORTHO” written above it.
Yes, it is a birth control pack. Upon opening the case, one can see 28 individual small round, peachy pink pills perched perfectly upright in plastic covering. These pills are arranged in a circle with a double wheel in the middle. The outside wheel has the abbreviations of days “SUN, MON, TUE, WED, THU, FRI, SAT…” four times in a repeating fashion. The inner wheel is mobile and has a perfect arrowhead shape pointing to a day on the outer ring.
The item I speak so vividly about is extremely important. It affects millions of Americans for various reasons. It is a relatively new form of contraception and one of the most effective forms. Although condoms are probably more widespread, I chose birth control because of its complexity and intricacies. Also for a college classroom, talking about birth control pills will be taken much more seriously than a condom.
Birth control is related to the topic of abortion quite closely. The simple use of a birth control pill by those who do not want children could prevent millions of abortions per year. A woman can avoid the possibility of the male making an error in using a condom and getting her pregnant by simply using a birth control pill for her own piece of mind. The safeness and ease of birth control would be a much better alternative to paying for abortions if one is adamant about not having a baby.
Abortion is important to me because I see it as an unnecessary evil. There are ways to prevent pregnancy if one does not want a child. Also if a woman is pregnant already and does not desire the child, she could have the baby and give it up for adoption instead of aborting it. Those who want abortions seem careless to me and simply do not take the time for a cheaper and easier alternative than abortion. Either adoption which is no cost or birth control which is low cost.
I hope my viewpoint can enlighten others. Hopefully those who consider abortion alright will see that birth control is a wonderful alternative for pro-choice people. I want people to understand how to better save lives and make decisions. I think anybody could relate to preventing unwanted pregnancies in the first place, that way the stance on abortion is really irrelevant if no unwanted child is made in the first place.
7 Comments so far
Leave a comment
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
While the description of the pills and their container were done well a picture of either the pill or the box would have helped.
The article itself has a rushed tone. I feel you hurried a bit through it.
The opening was one of the more interesting parts of the article. It began with a description of something unique and odd.
It flows well.
While you dictate your feelings well I see ‘I’ far too much.
Comment by christian shea February 28, 2008 @ 2:32 pmi like the begining. its kind of confusing but in a good way. the first sentence makes me think ” what the hell is this?!” because i didnt expect that you were describing the birthcontrol box. the visual you give is perfect! i can picture the contained very well. as a suggestion maybe you could add a picture of the box between paragraph 1 and 2. it isnt necesary but it might look good.in the third paragraph the sentence ” It affects millions of Americans for various reasons” maybe you can add “men and woman alike” at the end of it. because most people always associate birth control with woman alone. you used a very nice tone. you transitioned well and the organization was great too. the fact that you didnt have “my topic” or “my item” is also great. and from what i can tell you have no gramar or spelling problems. but dont trust me on the spelling part, im a horrible speller. haha. im guessing you wanted this to be 6 not 5 paragraphs but two of them accidentally stuck together. but my question is, is this about the pill or about abortion? the paragraph before the last one seems a little ranty to me. you could bring up the bith contro called depo provera and how much more efficient it is compared to the pill.
Comment by cristaazar February 28, 2008 @ 2:37 pmVisual-
It is pretty plain, maybe add a picture or some color. The font/size is consistent, that is good, and the paragraphs are good lengths. The longest one could stand to be shortened a little, but I didn’t really notice until I started looking. The blog is not to long, so it was not hard to finish the whole blog.
Tone/Voice-
Sounds well informed, and expects the readers to know something of birth control. The voice is consistent through out.
Initial hook-
A little vague and not very enthralling. I could understand it was something medical and relating to births, but only from the title, at least till I got to the second paragraph.
Organization-
All information is relevant.
The main point is that all women should use the pill for their own safety and to prevent unnecessary abortions, which are evil and expensive.
Transitions-
Transitions are good.
Word choice-
No “my topic” types of sentences.
Grammar/Spelling-
Fine except the last sentence of the second to last paragraph. “Either adoption which is not cost (insert “effective” maybe? To clear up the meaning) or birth control which is low cost.”
Overall it seems fine, if a little dry.
Comment by Tierza-kun February 28, 2008 @ 2:42 pm- Visually not intimidating & reader-friendly.
Comment by luciabenzor February 28, 2008 @ 3:56 pm- Tone/Voice is consistent with some humor in the title. Humor is fine but it doesn’t seem to fit the blog the way you wrote it because it’s more serious.
- Initial hook I guess is to describe the item in the 1st par. so as to leave the reader guessing and then reveal what the item is in the 2nd par. I liked how you did that.
- Narrative is concise. Although the 4th par. seems to be combined w/ the third. You need to indent. The last 2 sentences of the last par. don’t make sense. Maybe they’re not necessary.
- Transitions may be considered when going from 3rd to 4th par. and from 4th to 5th par.
- Word choice is fine. ” I chose” and “My topic” not used.
- Grammar is fine.
-Other comments: You might consider rephrasing the 1st sen. of the 3rd par. as well as the 1st sen. of the 4th par. They don’t sound right to me.
Even though you did not post a picture, I imagined the pills very well because your description is very detailed. The paragraphs are appealing and the introduction is good.
I like how we can tell your position from your blog but still is respectful to those who might have an opinion different than you. You also wrote it like a teenager, for a teenager. (Not saying that your writing is immature, but easy to understand and conscise)
I would have liked if the introduction was a little bit more “interesting.” I dont know, like a clue or an indicator for the reader so he/she can know what are you going to talk about. I liked the flow of the paragraphs and how you put them together. Your grammar is perfect and the word choice even more.
-odette =)
Comment by odettesalazar February 28, 2008 @ 4:28 pmYou didn’t have any visuals on your page and i thought it would actually be a good thing if you did. People who never saw a birth control packet before wouldn’t be able to visual. you did a good job by keeping your paragraphs reader friendly and the entry size is also reasonable.
Comment by edithpatta February 28, 2008 @ 9:14 pmYour voice is articulate but in the second to last paragraph it seemed as though you were attacking women who chose abortion which may not be good because someone in that category could be reading your blog, never-the-less, your voice was consistent throughout. In the first paragraph you did not describe the object very well and I did not know until you told the readers that it was a birth control packet. To solve this i think you should put pictures because no matter how well you describe it, if people have never seen it they will not be able to visual. the first paragraph did hook me though so it was good although i also feel another paragraph could fit there better. Your organization was well and i think all paragraphs followed each other very well. I understood your main points. Your transitions were very well. You could hold together your paragraphs. Also, your word choice was good as well.
Visual
very short,easy to read paragraphs so people will most likely read it. there’s no picture but it would bring out the blog if u provided one.
Tone
it is very opinionated, which is good considering it’s a blog, but you are using “i” too much. you should take yourself out the blog, except in the paragraph that’s about your views on the birth control, but even there you would not really have to say “i” so much. even though your opinion about those who have abortions are careless, it is still harsh because it sounds like a stereotype. people have abortions for various reasons, such as they can’t support the unwanted child and would not want to see their child being supported by another family.also accidents happen. no one can decide when to get pregnant or not. it just happens, even if u are on birth control or using condoms. you have to look at it from both view pts. other than that, your paper was consistent throughout.
initial hook
i like how you began with the great descriptions and just jump right into your feelings of the product you are describing. the title goes with the blog, but it seems as if u picked the 1st one off the top of your head.
is that first sentence your intro or does it belong with the second paragraph?
Comment by jasminemcduffie February 28, 2008 @ 9:41 pm