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You pass many buildings as you go to work, school, or visit friends. A lot of the time, our busy lifestyles disguise our quiet environment. No one may care about the buildings and companies around them but some of these building may affect the air you breathe, your environment and even your daily life. What kinds of building are these that can affect the way you live now and in the future? These buildings tower above others because they house dangerous gases, fumes, carbons and chemicals that can hurt people. They are nuclear, coal, and manufacturing factories and they control a big part of the way you and the rest of the world live.
Buildings such as steel mills, nuclear plants, coal manufacturing mills and the like contribute to global warming because they produce dangerous chemicals such as carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and even nuclear waste that damage our earth, water and air. In fact, carbon dioxide (CO2) is the largest known cause of air pollution and global warming in Georgia and Atlanta has large amounts of it.
Air pollution is the presence of harmful gases, liquids, or solids in the atmosphere. Air pollution, known as smoke pollution for many years, resulted from coal combustion which was aided mainly by coal mining mills. Today there are more gas emitting companies like these all over Georgia and they emit even more dangerous gases than their predecessors.
Factory pollution includes carbon monoxide, which is mainly produced in combustion processes. Nitrogen oxides combine with hydrocarbon gases to produce what is known as ‘smog’ which is released in large quantities into the air every hour and every day the factories are in operation. Factory pollution also includes chlorofluorocarbons, which have been shown to destroy the ozone layer. The destruction of our ozone layer causes global warming to occur at a much stronger, faster and more dangerous rate.
Factory related pollution is the number one source of pollution in the United States. Factory pollution accounts for more than half the volume of all water pollution. More than 365,000 manufacturing factories consume vast quantities of fresh water to carry away waste of several different types.
Many things we build today are helpful to us in our domestic surroundings but end up hurting the atmosphere that we live in. By destroying the outer layer of our earth, CO2 endangers the lives of people living today and tomorrow unless the problem is changed. If factories such as nuclear plants, carbon emitting coal manufacturing companies and the like were to reduce or stop the large amounts of CO2 they emit every day on our earth then the issue of air pollution and global warming would reduce in great numbers.
Is it fair to the children of the future to have to suffer the consequences that pollution causes? Why not take care of the problem now? We owe it to our environmental community and children of the future to conserve the earth and protect it from extinction. A lot of our animals and plants are forced to die off because they cannot survive in their familiar environment due to the production of nuclear and coal factories on their environment.
Although air quality has improved in many areas of Georgia over the past 15 years, air pollution still poses a health risk for millions of Americans living in Atlanta. Adopting stricter national air quality standards for particulate matter and ozone would help clear the air by giving Georgia a stronger tool to force polluting companies to clean up.
The solution of global warming and air pollution is not that simple but it’s not impossible. Factory and business owners have the ability to prevent air pollution. To reduce air pollution, the carbon dioxide emission (CO2) has to become less. That means that there should be very strict rules given to these companies on how they produce these chemicals and gases as well as how they get rid of them.
Hopefully readers will understand the huge devastations factories have already caused in Atlanta and they will be able to figure out that factories that emit a lot of carbons, gases, and fumes from their factories are huge contributors to global warming and that they have to be reduced or stopped all together in order to conserve our beautiful city, air and environment.
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Visually the blog is consistent with font and such. The paragraph length is reader friendly, but the blog as a whole is intimidating and lengthy making me not want to read it.
The tone is not really respectful in the sense that you assume things about the reader. As in the first paragraph, “Usually you wouldn’t care about these buildings.”
The Hook seems a bit disconnected with the rest of the blog because it’s about buildings while the rest of the blog is about pollution, so i’m confused about what the point of the blog is.
The second paragraph would make a better hook.
Too much information about pollution clogs up the blog. the facts are nice, but it makes for too much rambling.
Word choice is ok with only a few repetitions of some phrases like “i believe”
Comment by jeremyadkins February 28, 2008 @ 2:33 pmThe blog entry isn’t too long and has not photos. The style/font is consistent. Paragraph length is fine. I would be inclined to read the whole thing because my blog was twice as long.
Comment by luciabenzor February 28, 2008 @ 2:48 pmThe voice is somewhat articulate, but I think it makes a few assumptions about the reader. Sometimes it assumes we don’t know what something is and gives a vocabulary lesson, like in paragraph two when they give vocabulary lesson abut what air pollution is. Other times, they assume we know what chlorofluorocarbons are, but I don’t. Maybe they make assumptions because the environment is a big issue these days and thinks that we have been somewhat educated about what causes ecodamage, but maybe some readers haven’t.
There really is no hook for me in the beginning. By the title, I assume it will be about walking in downtown Atlanta and all the sites to see. It doesn’t let me know that I’m going to be reading about the environment. They might consider a title change because it might be misleading. Atlanta isn’t really mentioned in the blog at all. From the first paragraph, it would interest me to read further because I am very interested in the environment. But after the first two paragraphs, it starts to read like a research paper or a textbook. I would have liked to hear more description about the buildings and what specific things they emit. Maybe if they described the pollutants coming out of the buildings in more graphic detail, that could be the hook because the reader would wonder what they were talking about and want to keep reading.
I am guessing that the main point of the paragraph is to tell us not to pollute and not much else. I think because they ended it so abruptly, it would be a good place to include tips on what the reader can do to get involved. Use creative ideas instead of the usual ones we hear on TV like recycling. It could have been stronger if the writer told how pollution affects us personally. Also, she uses a lot of facts. It lacks opinion on the subject matter and starts to read like a textbook. Facts would fit better if she found a way to state them differently.
There really aren’t any transitions in the blog. The first paragraph talks about buildings that emit pollutants and the second jumps to talking about the future of our kids with random quotes about what air pollution is. They don’t seem to belong. From there, it jumps to global warming despite not having mentioned it previously. From there, their ideas seem jumbled and I didn’t see any organization. I was confused as to what they were trying to say.
The grammar isn’t too bad, but they like to use commas to separate two different sentences without using and. They should check for run-on sentences and indent the paragraphs.
Visually, this blog seemed intimidating because of the long body of short paragraphs. It also had no pictures and the font was very consistent. I expected a long read.
The tone was informative, articulate, and respectful.
I understood what the blog would be about after reading the interesting introduction.
The blog was ogranized as an interesting, informative narrative about how factories are huge contributors to global warming and how they need to be stopped.
The blog transitioned well; it did not jump from paragraph to paragraph without connecting the ideas from each.
The wording of the blog did not include very many phrases like “my topic,” “my item,” or “my goal in this blog.”
The grammar, spelling, and punctuation were correctly done in this blog.
Comment by jdorce1 February 28, 2008 @ 9:32 pm