Letsallwrite’s Weblog


The reality of Domestic Violence
February 21, 2008, 5:39 pm
Filed under: Medical/Health

      “Stay with me! Stay with me now! Her heart rate is slowing down people. Let’s hurry we’re losing her!” I see their faces but they are becoming gloomy, I hear their voices but the sound is fading away. It’s becoming harder for me to breathe and I’m feeling cold. Is this really the end? Did I allow domestic violence to take my life?

 

     Reading the introduction how did you feel about the short story being told? Let me guess, sympathetic, sad, or even determined to help. It’s easier to read a story, watch a movie, or know someone else in an abusive relationship but if you experience it reality about the subject will emerge. I know that domestic violence is a serious topic to discuss but discuss we must because a victim can end up in a predicament that could have been prevented.

     An object that can best describe the issues concerned with domestic violence is a hospital bed also called an operating table. A hospital bed is made for only one person to occupy because the mattress is twin sized. It’s equipped with wheels to help move a person around the hospital. Operating tables have metal rails on the sides to also help the doctors move the bed and support the weight of the person seeking medical attention. Patients often need assistance while in the hospital so they made it simple for these clients to push buttons on or near the bed.

     Choosing a hospital bed to symbolize the violent behavior associated with abuse was effortless because when many people think of abuse they think of a casket or the hospital. I wanted to use the hospital bed rather than a casket because it represents that although a person is in the hospital there is still a chance of hope and survival. People in situations like this just have to go through the hospital stage to show them that if they don’t get out as soon as possible a casket is where they will end up in.

     So how does the hospital bed relate to the topic? A hospital bed relates to the topic because when a person is hurt they typically go to the hospital to get better. The bed is there to help those in need of a cure and for those facing challenges in life that may cause them to get an injury.

     Domestic violence is important to me because I have a close friend who went through it. I encouraged her to go to the police and even the hospital but she refused. I felt helpless but she finally realized how he was when she found herself in a hospital bed.

     I feel it is important to inform people on the consequences that can occur. We may not know how cruel this is until we have experienced it. So, it’s best to alert people and have them determined to fight against abusers or a hospital bed is where they’ll find themselves.

     Readers can relate to this topic because they may know someone, had a family member who was abused, or watched a movie about domestic violence. Domestic violence is nothing new. People hear about it daily and they need to be knowledgeable about its harmful demeanor.

     I want my readers to think of a hospital bed when ever they hear the words domestic violence or abuse. Even if they only obtained a little amount of information it’s best to inform others about issues concerning domestic violence. It’s too serious to not know about.

     Be aware! Don’t be that one to allow domestic violence to put you in the hospital or take your life. Educated minds make educated choices.


4 Comments so far
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The sentence “Her heart rate is slowing down people.” is confusing, it comes off that she is slowing other people down. Most is a strong word to describe the hospitilization of victims of domestic violence. Font size change does not seem necessary. Too many “I want my reader to…” phrases, vary the structure and find a way to say it without saying what your goal for the reader is directly, be creative. The “that” should be a “the” in the sentence “Don’t be that one to allow domestic violence…” Last but not least, the picture would be much more effective if it were placed higher up in the article, possibly after the first parragraph.

Comment by jhartsell

I found your blog to be very reader friendly and the paragraphs are perfect length to keep me hooked. I loved the introduction. I enjoyed how you opened with a story. I would suggest using transition words to make things flow a little better. Your word choice was good, and i found no spelling or grammar errors. Good Job, i enjoyed reading your piece.

Comment by jessicavines

Great way to grab the reader’s attention. Beginning the blog with a scenario was unique. It would have been nice to go into more of the personal side of the story. Try to stay away from the basic transitional phrases.”Readers can relate to this topic because..” The word “it” was used multiple times, use replacements.good work!

Comment by tremeshaholt

When I first saw the blog, the main thing that caught my eye was the font. Did you purposely use different sizes? That may not be good as far as visuals, so my only suggestion is that you maybe fix that, unless it serves a purpose the way it is.

Comment by kwilson27




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