Filed under: Entertainment
A dream, a simple fantasy, that I,
wish was reality, that this opportunity would come knocking at my door and I’d, re-live this dream once more…. Through Atlanta, Georgia in the black BMW 745, Soothed by the pleasant scent of the car and the harmonious music, I began to become relaxed in my little black sophisticated dress. The black leather seats felt smooth against my back, the carpet was thick and velvety. The feel of my life behind the wheel made me have a sense of control. I placed my foot on the gas pedal and remained calm as the 22 inch wheels glided so smoothly through the city lights, it started at zero mph and accelerated to 90 mph on the highway without any sound or indication of high speed. It was Oh so heavenly! The 745’s physique glowed with such elegance. As I moved to the melody I had so much to be thankful for. When the music stopped…..In a flash, I was all alone, it was just a dream haunting me once again!
If I could make time stand still……….
A dream, a simple fantasy, that I,
wish was reality, that this opportunity would come knocking at my door and I’d, re-live
this dream once more…. The sleek design of the BMW gave this vehicle a sense of style, it definitely complimented my mature attire. It’s amazing how this car provided me with a sense of gratitude, confidence, and morality in so many ways. I felt important and satisfied. Flamboyance and sporty doesn’t fit my style. The classic and distinctive look is what I prefer. The lyrics from the song made me feel more worthy. When the music stopped….. In a flash, I was all alone; it was just a dream haunting me once again! If I could make time stand still I know I live this moment for ever
Can I stay right here, please don’t go I want this dream to stay forever
I really hate fantasizing this
I rather be living this I don’t know what I would do,
If I couldn’t make this dream come true
Over and over and over I wish
That I could live this moment in time
Everyone should have their own inspiration. That particular inspiration will allow you to have your own unique sense of style which can also build confidence! 
4 Comments so far
Leave a comment
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Your entry was a little confusing. Was it meant to be an unrhymed poem? If so, then the only problem I see is the formatting (but I’m thinking that it may just be a problem with wordpress trying to reformat your entry). You should be able to recognize that it’s a poem from the jump. If not, then I would advise you to take a look at punctuation and capitalization.
Comment by semaj bideux February 28, 2008 @ 11:29 am“A dream, a simple fantasy, that I,
Comment by jhartsell February 28, 2008 @ 2:20 pmwish was reality, that this opportunity would come knocking at my door and I’d, re-live this dream once more…. ” Incorrect comma usage. also the sentence is too long and incoherent. You should consider breaking up your ideas into sentences rather than a confusing run-on. Same deal with the second paragraph’s first sentences. “it was just a dream haunting me once again!” this is supposed to be about a good dream, i would reconsider using haunting as that makes it seem a nightmare to drive the BMW. Also i do not think the font color and size changes are beneficial to this blog although the song lyrics could be italicized for emphasis.
Visual-
Blog is pretty; I especially like the opening picture. There is one spot where the color changed in the middle, but I think you meant to put it as a different paragraph, so it makes sense. Paragraphs are good lengths, and flow by so fast that it is an easy read. The blog is a good length.
Tone/Voice-
The tone is filled with smooth passion, and it really comes across. It is very respectful, and even inspirational. The voice is consistent.
Initial hook-
The first paragraph is enchanting. It states clearly the subject, so it is easy to understand. This paragraph really makes me want to read further. It is a very good intro.
Organization-
I perceived the point to be that this car is like a dream and really inspires you.
Transitions-
The paragraphs are jumpy, but that creates a particular kind of flow and makes the reader feel like they are in a dream world, which seems to be what you are trying to convey anyways. This is really amazing.
Word choice-
Fine.
Grammar/Spelling-
Grammar will obviously be unconventional because of the style of writing, but there would be no way to write this with proper grammar and maintain the quality. The comma usage in the first sentence was unconventional, but a key factor in creating the dreaming feeling. Spelling is fine.
I really enjoyed reading this, great job!
Comment by Tierza-kun February 28, 2008 @ 3:02 pmYour visuals were great but they confused me becuase all of them had not particular relation to one another. there was no consistent size/style to your font but i understood it becuase some parts of your blog needed to be emphasized a little more than others. Your paragraphs were long but not bad. Your entire entry was a reasonable size and it allowed me to be more inclined to read the whole thing. Your voice was articulate and it respected the readers but your voice was not consistent throughout. The beginning was dreamy and calm relaxed then later on in the blog you became a little more serious. The first paragraph hooked me and although i did not exactly what the blog was going to be about i was interested enought to continue reading and find out. I don’t think any other paragraph on this blog could replace the first one successfully. Your organization was off. A lot of paragraphs did not mesh together and some were really off the topic but i understood the underlying message and i could decipher your main points and ideas. Your transitions were a little off and sometimes i couldn’t relate one paragraph to another. A couple of good things though was that your word choice was good. You were able to avoid a lot of “my item, my goal, and such”. you also had good grammer and spelling.
Comment by edithpatta February 28, 2008 @ 9:56 pm